Name: Two and a Half Men
Genre: Comedy

Two and a Half Men Episode

SEASON 1

Episode	Title	Premiere
24	Can You Feel My Finger?	May 24, 2004
23	Just Like Buffalo	May 17, 2004
22	My Doctor has a Cow Puppet	May 10, 2004
21	No Sniffing, No Wowing	May 3, 2004
20	Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark	April 19, 2004
19	I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You	March 22, 2004
18	An Old Flame With a New Wick	March 1, 2004
17	Ate The Hamburgers, Wearing The Hats	February 23, 2004
16	That Was Saliva, Alan	February 16, 2004
15	Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick	February 9, 2004
14	I Can't Afford Hyenas	February 2, 2004
13	Sara Like Puny Alan	January 12, 2004
12	Camel Filters + Pheromones	January 5, 2004
11	Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor	December 15, 2003
10	Merry Thanksgiving	November 24, 2003
09	Phase One, Complete	November 17, 2003
08	Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful	November 10, 2003
07	If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake	November 3, 2003
06	Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?	October 27, 2003
05	The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up With a Hump	October 20, 2003
04	If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song I'm Going to Take a Nap	October 13, 2003
03	Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell	October 6, 2003
02	Big Flappy Bastards	September 29, 2003
01	Pilot	September 22, 2003

SEASON 2

Episode	Title	Premiere
24	Does This Smell Funny to You?	May 23, 2005
23	Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab	May 16, 2005
22	That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother	May 9, 2005
21	A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On	May 2, 2005
20	I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey	April 18, 2005
19	A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise	March 21, 2005
18	It Was Mame, Mom	March 7, 2005
17	Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!	February 21, 2005
16	Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth?	February 14, 2005
15	Smell the Umbrella Stand	February 7, 2005
14	Those Big Pink Things with Coconut	January 31, 2005
13	Zejdz z Moich WlosÃƒÂ³w [a.k.a. Get Off My Hair]	January 17, 2005
12	A Lungful of Alan	January 3, 2005
11	Last Chance to See Those Tattoos	December 13, 2004
10	The Salmon Under My Sweater	November 29, 2004
09	Yes, Monsignor	November 22, 2004
08	Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers	November 15, 2004
07	A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana	November 8, 2004
06	The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance	October 25, 2004
05	Bad News from the Clinic	October 18, 2004
04	Go Get Mommy's Bra	October 11, 2004
03	A Bag Full of Jawea	October 4, 2004
02	Enjoy Those Garlic Balls	September 27, 2004
01	Back Off Mary Poppins	September 20, 2004

SEASON 3

Episode	Title	Premiere
24	That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite	May 22, 2006
23	Arguments for the Quickie	May 15, 2006
22	Just Once With Aunt Sophie	May 8, 2006
21	And the Plot Moistens	May 1, 2006
20	Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro	April 24, 2006
19	Golly Moses, She's A Muffin	April 10, 2006
18	The Spit-Covered Cobbler	March 20, 2006
17	The Unfortunate Little Schnauser	March 13, 2006
16	Ergo, The Booty Call	March 6, 2006
15	My Tongue is Meat	February 27, 2006
14	Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded	February 6, 2006
13	Humiliation is a Visual Medium	January 23, 2006
12	That Special Tug	January 9, 2006
11	Santa's Village of the Damned	December 19, 2005
10	Something Salted and Twisted	November 28, 2005
09	Madame and Her Special Friend	November 21, 2005
08	That Voodoo That I Do Do	November 14, 2005
07	Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop	November 7, 2005
06	Hi, Mr. Horned One	October 24, 2005
05	We Called It Mr. Pinky	October 17, 2005
04	Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs	October 10, 2005
03	Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark	October 3, 2005
02	Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover	September 26, 2005
01	Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts	September 19, 2005

SEASON 4

Episode	Title	Premiere
24	Prostitutes and Gelato	May 14, 2007
23	Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin	May 7, 2007
22	Mr. McGlue's Feedbag	April 30, 2007
21	Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous	April 23, 2007
20	Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot	April 16, 2007
19	Smooth as a Ken Doll	April 9, 2007
18	It Never Rains in Hooterville	March 19, 2007
17	I Merely Slept With a Commie	February 26, 2007
16	Young People Have Phlegm Too	February 19, 2007
15	My Damn Stalker	February 12, 2007
14	That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami	February 5, 2007
13	Don't Worry, Speed Racer	January 22, 2007
12	Castrating Sheep in Montana	January 8, 2007
11	Walnuts and Demerol	December 11, 2006
10	Kissing Abraham Lincoln	November 27, 2006
09	Corey's Been Dead For an Hour	November 20, 2006
08	Release the Dogs	November 13, 2006
07	Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head	November 6, 2006
06	Apologies for the Frivolity	October 23, 2006
05	A Live Woman of Proven Fertility	October 16, 2006
04	A Pot Smoking Monkey	October 9, 2006
03	The Sea is a Harsh Mistress	October 2, 2006
02	Who's Vod Kanockers?	September 25, 2006
01	Working for Caligula	September 18, 2006

SEASON 5

Episode	Title	Premiere
19	Waiting for the Right Snapper	May 19, 2008
18	If My Hole Could Talk	May 12, 2008
17	Fish in a Drawer	May 5, 2008
16	Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty	April 28, 2008
15	Rough Night in Hump Junction (aka His Ugly Bundle)	April 21, 2008
14	Winky-Dink Time	April 14, 2008
13	The Soil is Moist	March 31, 2008
12	A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh	March 24, 2008
11	Meander to Your Dander	March 17, 2008
10	Kinda Like Necrophilia	November 26, 2007
09	Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids	November 19, 2007
08	Is There a Mrs. Waffles?	November 12, 2007
07	The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room	November 5, 2007
06	Help Daddy Find His Toenail	October 29, 2007
05	Putting Swim Fins on a Cat	October 22, 2007
04	City of Great Racks	October 15, 2007
03	Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo	October 8, 2007
02	Media Room Slash Dungeon	October 1, 2007
01	Large Birds, Spiders and Mom	September 24, 2007

SEASON 6

Episode	Title	Premiere
24	Baseball with Better Steroids	May 18, 2009
23	Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth	May 11, 2009
22	Sir Lancelot's Litter Box	May 4, 2009
21	Above Exalted Cyclops	April 27, 2009
20	Hello, I am Alan Cousteau	April 13, 2009
19	The Two Finger Rule	March 30, 2009
18	My Son's Enormous Head	March 16, 2009
17	The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?	March 9, 2009
16	She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime	March 2, 2009
15	I'd Like to Start with the Cat	February 9, 2009
14	David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie	February 2, 2009
13	I Think You Offended Don	January 19, 2009
12	Thank God for Scoliosis	January 12, 2009
11	The Devil's Lube	December 15, 2008
10	He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited	December 8, 2008
09	A Mooch at the Boo	November 24, 2008
08	Pinocchio's Mouth	November 17, 2008
07	Best H.O. Money Can Buy	November 10, 2008
06	It's Always Nazi Week	November 3, 2008
05	A Jock Strap in Hell	October 20, 2008
04	The Flavin' and the Mavin'	October 13, 2008
03	Damn You, Eggs Benedict	October 6, 2008
02	Pie Hole, Herb	September 29, 2008
01	Taterhead Is Our Love Child	September 22, 2008

SEASON 7

Episode	Title	Premiere
22	This Is Not Gonna End Well	May 24, 2010
21	Gumby with a Pokey	May 17, 2010
20	I Called Him Magoo	May 10, 2010
19	Keith Moon is Vomiting in his Grave	April 12, 2010
18	Ixnay on the Oggie Day	March 22, 2010
17	I Found Your Moustache	March 8, 2010
16	Tinkle Like a Princess	March 1, 2010
15	Aye, Aye, Captain Douche	February 8, 2010
14	Crude and Uncalled For	February 1, 2010
13	Yay, No Polyps!	January 18, 2010
12	Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste	January 11, 2010
11	Warning, It's Dirty	December 14, 2009
10	That's Why They Call It Ball Room	December 7, 2009
09	Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair	November 23, 2009
08	Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.	November 16, 2009
07	Untainted by Filth	November 9, 2009
06	Give Me Your Thumb	November 2, 2009
05	For the Sake of the Child	October 19, 2009
04	Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator	October 12, 2009
03	Mmm, fish. Yum.	October 5, 2009
02	Whipped Unto the Third Generation	September 28, 2009
01	818-jklpuzo	September 21, 2009

SEASON 8

Episode	Title	Premiere
16	That Darn Priest	February 14, 2011
15	Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak	February 7, 2011
14	Lookin' For Japanese Subs	January 17, 2011
13	Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup	January 3, 2011
12	Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead	December 13, 2010
11	Dead from the Waist Down	December 6, 2010
10	Ow, Ow, Don't Stop	November 22, 2010
09	A Good Time in Central Africa	November 15, 2010
08	Springtime on a Stick	November 8, 2010
07	The Crazy Bitch Gazette	November 1, 2010
06	Twanging Your Magic Clanger	October 25, 2010
05	The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel	October 18, 2010
04	Hookers, Hookers, Hookers	October 11, 2010
03	A Pudding-Filled Cactus	October 4, 2010
02	A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer	September 27, 2010
01	Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud	September 20, 2010

SEASON 9

Episode	Title	Premiere
24	Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!	May 14, 2012
23	The Straw in My Donut Hole	May 7, 2012
22	Why We Gave Up Women	April 30, 2012
21	Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'	April 16, 2012
20	Grandma's Pie	April 9, 2012
19	Palmdale, Ech	March 19, 2012
18	The War Against Gingivitis	February 27, 2012
17	Not In My Mouth	February 20, 2012
16	Sips, Sonnets, and Sodomy	February 13, 2012
15	The Duchess of Dull-In-Sack	February 6, 2012
14	A Possum on Chemo	January 16, 2012
13	Slowly And In A Circular Fashion	January 2, 2012
12	One False Move, Zimbabwe!	December 12, 2011
11	What a Lovely Landing Strip	December 5, 2011
10	A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes	November 21, 2011
09	Frodo's Headshots	November 14, 2011
08	Thanks for the Intercourse	November 7, 2011
07	Those Fancy Japanese Toilets	October 31, 2011
06	The Squat and Hover	October 24, 2011
05	A Giant Cat Holding Churro	October 17, 2011
04	Nine Magic Fingers	October 10, 2011
03	Big Girls Don't Throw Food	October 3, 2011
02	People Who Love Peepholes	September 26, 2011
01	Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt	September 19, 2011

SEASON 10

Episode	Title	Premiere
23	Cows, Prepare to be Tipped	May 9, 2013
22	My Bodacious Vidalia	May 2, 2013
21	Another Night with Neil Diamond	April 25, 2013
20	Bazinga! That's from a TV Show	April 4, 2013
19	Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon	March 14, 2013
18	The 9:04 From Pemberton	March 7, 2013
17	Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries	February 21, 2013
16	Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby	February 14, 2013
15	Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It	February 7, 2013
14	Run, Steven Staven! Run!	January 31, 2013
13	Grab a Feather and Get in Line	January 10, 2013
12	Welcome to Alancrest	January 3, 2013
11	Give Santa a Tail-Hole	December 13, 2012
10	One Nut Johnson	December 6, 2012
09	I Scream When I Pee	November 29, 2012
08	Something My Gynecologist Said	November 15, 2012
07	Avoid The Chinese Mustard	November 8, 2012
06	Ferrets, Attack!	November 1, 2012
05	That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam	October 25, 2012
04	You Know What the Lollipop Is For	October 18, 2012
03	Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt	October 11, 2012
02	A Big Bag of Dog	October 4, 2012
01	I Changed My Mind About the Milk	September 27, 2012

SEASON 11

Episode	Title	Premiere
22	Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead	May 8, 2014
21	Dial 1-900-MIX-A-LOT	May 1, 2014
20	Lotta Delis in Little Armenia	April 24, 2014
19	Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang	April 10, 2014
18	West Side Story	April 3, 2014
17	Welcome Home, Jake	March 13, 2014
16	How to Get Rid of Alan Harper	March 6, 2014
15	Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin	February 27, 2014
14	Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe	February 6, 2014
13	Bite Me, Supreme Court	January 30, 2014
12	Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.	January 9, 2014
11	Tazed in the Lady Nuts	January 2, 2014
10	On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer	December 12, 2013
09	Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer	December 5, 2013
08	Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.	November 21, 2013
07	Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie	November 14, 2013
06	Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants	November 7, 2013
05	Alan Harper, Pleasing Women	October 24, 2013
04	Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank	October 17, 2013
03	This Unblessed Biscuit	October 10, 2013
02	I Think I Banged Lucille Ball	October 3, 2013
01	Nangnangnangnang	September 26, 2013

SEASON 12

Episode	Title	Premiere
16	Of Course He's Dead (2)	February 19, 2015
15-16	Of Course He's Dead	February 19, 2015
15	Of Course He's Dead (1)	February 19, 2015
14	Don't Give a Monkey a Gun	February 12, 2015
13	Boompa Loved His Hookers	February 5, 2015
12	A Beer-Battered Rip-Off	January 29, 2015
11	For Whom the Booty Calls	January 22, 2015
10	Here I Come, Pants!	January 15, 2015
09	Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey	January 8, 2015
08	Clockwise in Back Hole Until Tight	December 18, 2014
07	Sex with an Animated Ed Asner	December 11, 2014
06	Alan Shot a Little Girl	December 4, 2014
05	Oontz. Oontz. Oontz	November 27, 2014
04	Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight	November 20, 2014
03	Glamping in a Yurt	November 13, 2014
02	A Chic Bar in Ibiza	November 6, 2014
01	The Ol' Mexican Spinach	October 30, 2014