Gigi Hadid Struggled With Anxiety About Impending Motherhood During Pregnancy

The runway star admits she was worried that she was not good enough to be a mother to her child and documented her anxiety struggle in a journal during her pregnancy.

AceShowbiz - Supermodel Gigi Hadid kept a "good" and a "bad" journal throughout her pregnancy to document her anxiety about becoming a first-time mother.

The beauty shares 10-month-old daughter Khai with her boyfriend Zayn Malik and, although she loves motherhood, Gigi admits she endured a number of ups and downs on her pregnancy journey.

She told Harper's Bazaar, "During my pregnancy, I had one journal that I called my good journal and one journal that I called my bad journal. They weren't that literal, but one was more for the memories, for Khai. Maybe one day I'll give her the bad journal just to be real about it."

"Anxieties and days where I felt like, 'Am I good enough to be a mum?' I didn't want to feel guilty about feeling those things or writing those things down. I just liked the separation."

"I also have sketch pads where I'll watercolour-sketch, and sometimes I end up writing there too. I write on the back of receipts and keep those in a notebook. I'm not particular about it, and my journals are everywhere around the house. I just pick up whichever one is closest to me and write."

Meanwhile, Gigi and British singer Zayn spent much of the COVID-19 shutdown isolating with her family, including sister Bella and brother Anwar, at their mother Yolanda Hadid's farm in Pennsylvania, giving the former One Direction star a real insight into their family dynamic - particularly when it came to heated discussions around the dinner table.

"This is not to say that I don't have a heart or Bella doesn't have a brain, but when dealing with family stuff and world issues, my mum calls me the brain and Bella the heart. My brother is half and half," Gigi shared. "Whatever the family dinner-table discussion is, Bella will be very emotional and compassionate, and I'm sitting there pulling up charts and infographics, speaking very calmly."

"My mum is just very Dutch and to the point. And my dad's a storyteller - a bit goofy, but always connecting it back to, 'Oh, you've heard the old Palestinian saying...' "

And although Zayn initially felt out of place, he has since found his comfort zone - and it's usually taking Yolanda's side.

"At first Zayn was like, 'How do I get a word in edgewise?' " Gigi recalled. "But now he is very comfortable. He speaks his mind."

"When he's in the middle of a family thing and everyone's like, 'Zayn, whose side are you on?' he's charming. He's usually on my mum's side. So he's smart in that sense."

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