Modern Family Episode 1.13 Fifteen Percent

While picking up flowers, Cameron runs into Jay and a few of his friends outside a deli. Amidst some small talk involving a hunky Antonio Banderas-type in silk boxers, Jay introduces Cam as his son's "friend." This ticks off Mitchell, who is waiting in the car. He can't believe that his dad still has issues with him being gay, especially when he tells Jay that his friend Shorty (guest star Chazz Palminteri) prefers the company of men. Jay can't believe it. But Mitchell says, "My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse."

Back home, Mitchell is still upset about what went down with his dad. It was a bumpy time back when Mitchell first came out to Jay. Even after all these years, there's still some turbulence. Cameron is also upset, but that's because the flowers he just bought are dying. He calls the store demanding satisfaction, but the flowers come back to life just before the florist arrives with a replacement bouquet.

Panicked, Cam microwaves the original flowers to make them look bad, which they do. That's because they're on fire. The only reason we mention this is to share Mitchell's classic line as Cam runs to the kitchen to douse the blaze. He says, "Look at that. Two things flaming at once." Told ya. Classic.

Jay is still trying to wrap his arms around the fact that Shorty might be gay. Gloria encourages him to talk to his friend. She says, "I'm sure you made it very easy for Mitch to come out of the closet." This prompts Jay into encouraging Shorty to share this secret that haunts him. Jay promises to help him in whatever way he needs. As it turns out, Shorty isn't gay. He's in debt and Jay has unwittingly offered to cough up the 20 grand he owes a bookie.

Jay shows up at Mitchell's to let him know that his gaydar is on the fritz. Actually, it's not. Mitchell was just messing with his dad, a little payback for dissing Cam. When Mitchell hears that Jay reached out to his friend to let him know that it's okay to be gay, he realizes that his dad has grown. Not a whole lot, but he has grown.

Claire is having trouble working the TV remote. Actually, her problem is with the entire home theater system. Phil thinks it's because she struggles with technology of any kind. Claire thinks it's because the overly-complex remote totally bites. She wants Phil to teach Haley how to work it. If he does that, then maybe she'll admit she was wrong and apologize. Game on!

Haley has no interest in learning how to work the remote. She watches all her favorite shows online, presumably at ABC.com with their snazzy Full Episode Player. (Sorry for that ridiculously shameful self-promoting plug.) Anyway, Phil convinces his daughter to learn the ways of the home theater system.

It's an intense test of finger dexterity, but Haley comes through in the clutch and works the remote masterfully. Phil is thrilled, but Claire hates that she still can't do it. She'll get it though. She just needs someone other than her hubby to teach her. Claire gets her wish during a late night mother-daughter remote control tutoring session where, finally, everything just clicks.

Manny has a date with a woman he met at an online book club. He and his lady, Whitney, are both crazy about vampire fiction and the romance of eternal life. Hey, who isn't? When Whitney arrives at the house, both Manny and his mom are surprised to see she's a bit older than our boy. Okay, she's a lot older. Gotta love the Internet!

Whitney is a nice lady who believes she's destined to be alone for the rest of her life. Gloria disagrees. She says, "In my country there's a saying that means love is just around the corner." That's because she comes from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes. Nevertheless, Gloria thinks she can help Whitney get men to notice her by doing an extreme makeover. So, let's move that bus! Oh, wait. Wrong kind of makeover.

Gloria's makeover on Whitney works to perfection. She looks fantastic. Cameron confirms this when he drops off some new non-microwaveable flowers. Whitney is blown away by his compliments. She's even further impressed to learn that he's a fan of vampire fiction. She believes Cameron might be "the one." Think again, Whitney. Think again.