Desperate Housewives Episode 5.23 Everybody Says Don't

Dave makes a videotape in which he says, "I didn't want to kill MJ Delfino. I had to." He adds that it would do no good to just kill Susan: "That way there'd be no suffering." His taping is interrupted by the doorbell: It's MJ, who wants to show Dave the new tackle box he got for their fishing trip this weekend.

Dave is eager for Susan to go on the fishing trip, supposedly to get her mind off Jackson being deported. But she wants to be there in case Jackson calls. Dave persists until Susan grows suspicious and he agrees they can go another weekend.

Jackson calls Susan: they'll be deporting him in a few days. He tells her that the police got an anonymous tip about him. He's sure Mike's the source, since Mike and Katherine were the only ones who knew. "He had the look of a guy who's not ready to give you up," Jackson tells her.

Preston wants to go to Europe instead of college, but Lynette is dead set against it. A discouraged and jobless Tom, however, thinks that Preston should enjoy his life while he can. She finally talks him into taking Preston on a college tour to change his mind.

Tom and Preston come back from the campus tour and Preston is unconvinced, but Tom can't stop talking about how great it is. "I'm going back to school," he tells Lynette, with the kicker that he wants to major in Chinese.

Lynette sees her opportunity to sabotage Tom's college dreams when the counselor calls to tell Tom he gave him the wrong date for the entrance exam and that it's actually tomorrow morning. Lynette takes Tom out to "celebrate," and waits until 2 a.m. when Tom is completely drunk to play the message.

Tom's test goes badly, of course. Lynette feels terrible when he explains that he wanted to learn Chinese to give him an edge in the marketing field. "That's a brilliant plan," she says. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Susan goes to confront Mike who's in the shower; while she waits, Katherine reveals that Mike couldn't have turned Jackson in because she never told him that Susan was only marrying him for a green card. She begs Susan not to tell Mike: Mike has asked her to marry him and she's afraid that he'll back out if he knows the truth. Mike comes down and Susan says Katherine's already told her the "good news." Mike seems upset as he adds, "I was going to tell you myself."

Bree comes home to find all the "stolen" items back in their place. Orson wants to know why she faked the robbery. "I want a divorce," she says and explains that she was trying to hide some of her assets. Orson doesn't want a divorce but she flatly states, "That part's not negotiable." She tells him to make a list of things he wants to take with him. "All I want is out," she says.

Gabrielle is sure that Carlos's Aunt Connie is up to something when she's unusually nice to her at the family reunion. Connie makes an announcement: Due to a bad heart, she can no longer take care of her granddaughter, Anna. No one else is in a position to help out, except for Carlos. Gabrielle hates the idea but Carlos explains how his aunt took him and his mother in after his father left.

Bree wants to know when Orson is moving out and he tells her he's staying so they can work on their marriage. He threatens to send her jail for insurance fraud and she points out she never filed a claim but he tells her that he did. "You'd actually send me to prison?" she asks. "My wife, no, my ex-wife, yes," he replies happily. When she says she doesn't love him, he replies, "That's all right, darling. I have enough love for both of us."

Dave is hallucinating conversations with his shrink, his dead wife and child and Edie, who all urge him to give up his elaborate scheme and get immediate revenge on Susan.

Susan apologizes to Mike for being "underwhelmed" at the news that he and Katherine are getting married. She says she just wants to make sure that he knows what he's doing. "Do you love her?" she asks. "Yeah, I love her," he says. "Good, that's all I needed to hear," she says and wishes them happiness. She's on the verge of telling him about Jackson when Katherine returns suddenly. Susan is stunned when they announce they're getting married this weekend in Vegas. She turns down Katherine's offer to be the maid of honor, saying, "We have big plans this weekend."

Dave loads his gun and walks over to shoot MJ, who's playing on the front lawn, but just then Susan walks out to ask if he still wants to take that fishing trip.

Aunt Connie thanks Carlos for taking in Anna . "Are you going to tell them the truth about Anna?" a friend asks. "Oh, they'll find out soon enough," Connie laughs.

Police have finally identified the body in the nightclub fire as Dr. Heller from Boston. His receptionist calls Roberta, Karen's sister, to tell her that Dr. Heller is dead. Roberta and Karen conclude that Dave killed Dr. Heller. Roberta insists they go to the police but Karen says she wants proof first. "Didn't you tell me that Dave once broke into your house," Roberta asks. "Maybe it's time we return the favor."

The detectives handling the nightclub arson case go to see Jackson in jail, since he missed his interview appointment. He can't remember seeing anyone in the back that night, except for Dave, who was coming out of the storage room. The detectives jump on the fact that Dave, whom they've interviewed several times, didn't mention anything about being in the storage room.

Dave gives Mike a video, supposedly of their band rehearsing, and asks Mike not to watch it until after his honeymoon. Susan and Mike hug goodbye before he leaves for Vegas and she and MJ go off with Dave on their fishing trip.

Mike goes home and puts the tape in a drawer.