Reflecting on her traumatic experience, the former Disney Channel star reveals that her mind 'doesn't want to even go there' and her legs 'started shaking' at the thought of reliving 'some of it.'
- Jul 1, 2021
AceShowbiz - Alyson Stoner has looked back at moments when she had conflicting feelings toward her sexuality. In a new interview, the "Camp Rock" actress, who came out as pansexual in 2018, revealed that she once tried to undergo gay conversion therapy.
The former Disney Channel star opened up to Insider about being confused over her sexual identity after falling in love with a female. "I felt stuck. I felt wretched. I felt like everything was wrong with me, even though I, in my heart of hearts, only desired to be a devoted follower of God," she recalled.
"So to hear from people you trust, from people you respect, from people you might even aspire to become, that you at your core are 'rotten,' 'abominable,' that the devil has a target on your back because of your position in Hollywood," Alyson continued. The 27-year-old went on to claim, "It just sends you into a spiral, at least for me, because I just wanted to do the right thing."
Elsewhere in the conversation, Alyson admitted that the therapy was traumatic and she still finds it "legitimately difficult" to talk about. "My mind doesn't want to even go there. My legs started shaking at the thought of reliving some of it," the "Step Up" actress confessed.
"I know firsthand how dangerous it is for me as someone who had access to therapy and other forms of support," Alyson said. The actress, who starred in "Cheaper by the Dozen", elaborated, "And I still was considering whether my life was worth living or, if everything was wrong with me, then what good was it for me to be around, starting to see myself as someone who only brought harm to other people to society."
Alyson further told the publication that the dangers of conversion therapy are "measurable." She pointed out, "Even if someone comes out of it on the other side and says, 'Hey, no, I'm living a great life,' there are scars there. There are shadows." She concluded, "So yes, I'm not capable yet of going back and recounting specifics, which is an indicator of just how difficult that chapter was for me."
