The 'Kill Bill' hitmaker explains she is still working on her 'spiritual hygiene' as she has found it very hard to 'process' her newfound fame following a series of hit singles.
- Jan 30, 2024
AceShowbiz - SZA opened up she has three different therapists whilst sharing her struggles with fame. Since becoming one of the biggest stars on the planet with her album "SOS", the "Kill Bill" hitmaker has struggled to adjust to being in the spotlight and admits she has lashed out in "frustration" due to the immense pressure she is under, which is so debilitating it makes her not want to leave the house.
"So I've been really trying to get my spiritual hygiene together because I realised as of recent that a lot of this [redacted] is not normal," she told Zane Lowe on Apple Music 1.
"And I didn't know how to process that experience. And I was having a lot of lashing out and a lot of frustration. And there's a lot of opinions, a lot of entitlement to your space, a lot of entitlement to your time, a lot of expectation."
"It does, and it actually makes me on the edge and not a kind person, because the anxiety of wondering how people are, there's so much perceiving going on. But these people don't know you. They're seeing you in a vacuum in your most high-pressure moment. And it's scary."
"So it's like, 'oh my God, I'm not the person that I want to be right now' because I'm not kind, calm, and relaxed, and patient and all these things. And it scares me like, 'whoa, whoa, whoa.' And the people are ingesting me in that state. But it's like this is the first time that I've had ... I'm still the shy person from high school."
"I hate being perceived. I hate coming outside. I don't want to party. I don't want anybody to even look at me, honestly. I don't want to take pictures. I hate being on video. It's the bane of my existence."
The 34-year-old chart-topping star also doesn't like doing interviews and admitted she had to take some calming gummy sweets to settle her before she conducted her chat with Zane, which was filmed, because she fears being judged for her appearance.
SZA went on to share how she has broken down in tears and had panic attacks doing promo, including during a photo shoot for The Wall Street Journal. She continued, "It makes me really, really uncomfortable to a way that I cry."
"And I took a lot of calm gummies before I sat down here. But being perceived, especially visually, is like my number one, I'm uncomfortable right now kind of thing. And with this new level of attention with the album, it's like I never had an issue with paparazzi in my life."
"I never had an issue with going viral for small things that I think are small in my life or any of those things. So then I had to sit down and really be like, no, for real. Get a process fast."
As part of her self-care, the Grammy winner has started the ego-transcending spiritual practice, Sadhana, which includes disciplines in Hindu, Buddhist and Jain traditions and helps those who wish to not get caught up in perfectionism.
She shared, "And so I started praying a lot more. I restarted my Sadhana. My mom finished her Sadhana with Sadhguru, and did all these crazy programs, and she just so much more peaceful. My mom's already peaceful. So saying that is, I didn't think that she could be more peaceful than she is."
"But her presence reminding me like, oh, I should probably go do some ohms in the back real quick, or I should really take more magnesium because my magnesium is hella depleted and I need it to regulate my emotions and I'm not doing it."
"Or I should take a [redacted] nap. And it's small things that you don't or talk to. I have three different kinds of therapists. I have a hypnotherapist, I have a talk therapist, and then they tried to give me a psychiatrist, but I'm not taking any of those drugs."
Speaking on how she stays grounded, she later said, "So saying that to say if I just focus me restarting my 40-day Sadhana and prayer, and I cut my circle down really small, it's really just like my homegirl that's been my homegirl for 20 years."
I see my mama when she can. I see my dad when he can. I kick it with my dogs, my niece, my actual animal dogs. Not like my homies, but we keep it light. And I feel like that's the answer, quiet and less."
