AceShowbiz - Holly Madison has a rather unpleasant memory when it comes to her Playboy days. "The Girls Next Door" alum took to her TikTok page to open up about her body dysmorphia struggle when she lived in the Playboy mansion.
In a clip that she shared on the video-sharing platform, the star talked about body positivity while recalling her mental health struggle. Donning a casual T-shirt at home, the former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner shared what she went through during her time at the Playboy Mansion.
"So for a recent post, I was looking for pictures of myself in a bunny costume and I came across one," Madison said while showing a picture of herself from 2005. "It reminded me of a moment in my life where I was watching a playback of myself in a fashion show and I thought, 'Oh my god, I need to lose weight.' "
She went on to say, "I hope people can take a minute and think about how they think about their own body and is it holding you back by feeling bad about yourself?"
Encouraging her fans to enjoy their life to the fullest, Holly added, "It's not worth it. It's not worth feeling bad about yourself. Like, there are things we all want to improve about ourselves, but it's not even worth taking the time to be miserable."
The former reality TV star admitted that she used to feel "terrified" to look at photos of herself, noting that it would only send her into a panic. "[I] thought I had gained weight, and thought I hadn't stuck to my diet, and I thought my thighs were huge and I thought, 'I need to lose five pounds at least,' " she said. "And that's ridiculous. I look like a stick."
Back in 2015, Holly released a memoir titled "Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny" in which she shares about her relationship with Hugh, whom she called "manipulator," as well as its ups and downs.
Recalling her suicidal moment, Holly wrote, "If I just put my head under water and take a deep breath in, it would all be over. Drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading."