AceShowbiz - "American beauty" star Mena Suvari turned to methamphetamines to help her cope with a sexual abuse hell throughout her childhood.
The 42-year-old actress has detailed her traumatic past in new book "The Great Peace", revealing she was abused from the age of 12 when an older brother's friend raped her and, in a new interview with "Good Morning America", she admits she was such a confused teenager.
"It (sexual abuse) still affects me," she says. "A part of me died that day, for sure. You're never the same."
"Then you live with the constant questioning of whether or not that really happened, and whether or not you're entitled to consider it as such."
Mena admits she turned to drugs, including meth, stating, "You lose your mind on meth. You're in a completely different zone."
"It was labelled as 'the worst thing in the world, but it will make you feel like you can do absolutely anything'. I just thought, 'OK, I have nothing to lose.' "
New mum Suvari also used cocaine and acid to help numb the pain during an abusive three-year relationship, which began when she was 16.
"I was convinced that no one would care...," she told "The View". "He (boyfriend) also alienated me, so my mother was 'crazy' or my friends were 'crazy'... and so I really just felt like I had nowhere else to go."
The actress, who has dedicated the book to her baby son, also revealed she considered taking her life before becoming a mum - and he's the reason why she's happy to be alive.
"The whole process of this began because I found a suicide note and I hope that he (son) can see that he is the reason that I stayed here," she said. "It's all for him."