AceShowbiz - Mel Gibson feared his anger was "out of control" and he was suffering "some kind of male menopause" as his relationship with Oksana Grigorieva collapsed, according to a letter allegedly written by the star. Gibson reportedly penned the rambling note to Grigorieva in December 2008, more than a year before the couple's split and the January bust-up when the Russian singer claims the actor knocked out her teeth.

In the letter, obtained by TMZ.com, the writer describes feeling so out of control he "could drink or commit a crime" and talks about going away to seek help for his problems. It reads, "I don't know why I'm so whacky (sic) and depressed but I need to get well and re-enter life. Please don't be upset I've gone - I'm just not myself and feel bad when I am so f**ked up and sick around you. I don't want to inflict this unhealthy version of myself on you..."

"Maybe it's some kind of male menopause... or God knows! This isn't who I was meant to be - I know it. I'm so ragged I could drink or commit a crime. The anger seems to be out of my control - I need to do something about it something lasting - not just a band aid..." The letter adds, "I love you! I need you! I can't live without you!"