AceShowbiz - Jennifer Hudson fought back tears as she spoke out about the 2008 murders of her mother, brother and nephew on TV for the first time - for an emotionally-charged episode of music documentary series "Behind the Music".

The show, which debuted in America on Monday, June 28 night, chronicles the Oscar winner's life and career from her gospel church background in Chicago, Illinois to her Oscar and Grammy wins, via the darkness of October 2008 when her former brother-in-law shot and killed her mother and brother and then murdered her seven-year-old nephew and dumped him in the trunk of an abandoned car.

Recalling the pain, Hudson revealed she felt numb when she learned about the terrible news while she was in Florida preparing for a show. She immediately canceled all her commitments and headed home. She says, "It's all like a blur. It was surreal... It was like I was outside of myself."

But when the truth kicked in, Hudson fell into a deep depression: "For almost two weeks straight (I was) inside my room with just family and friends coming in and out. I was pretty much secluded from everything that was going on; I didn't watch any TV. I didn't even wanna even know what was going on."

And her career took a backseat as she tried to find a way through her grief. She adds, "I remember being asked to do a film around that same time and I was like, 'I have to get adjusted to who I am now, so I can't be another character if I don't know who I am'."