AceShowbiz - Duane Chapman a.k.a. Dog the Bounty Hunter is still struggling to come to terms with his wife's death. More than two weeks after Beth Chapman passed away, Dog says he still acts like his wife was there by his side when he goes to sleep.
"I haven't gotten past the place where I'm [not] putting a pillow where she was and covering it up," he tells ET in an interview at his Colorado home, ahead of a second memorial for the late reality TV star. "And then I wake up in the middle of the night and I see her and it doesn't register that [it] ain't her. I'm still there."
He goes on sharing, "I wake up to always touch her, especially when she was sick I'd have to wake up a few times when she stopped breathing. I couldn't hear it no more. And she's laying and I'm like, 'You are not dying like that. I will not let you die.' So I'm so used to that that I don't sleep solid anymore."
Dog also reveals that Beth's death has taken a toll on his body. "I can't eat. Two bites, I'm full. I got to force feed myself like I force fed her," he says of losing his appetite, causing him to lose 17 pounds in two weeks.
He recalls how his late wife would help him read the menus at restaurants because the lighting would be so dim and he needs glasses, but now he "can't see the freakin' menu." Dog says, "I would go, 'What do I want today, honey?' and she would name two things. I never ordered...I'm having a hard time ordering food. I've lost 17 pounds. Chewing ice helps, and I've lost 17 pounds in about two weeks."
While he says that he has no suicidal thoughts, Dog admits he's ready to join Beth.
Dog also opens up about why he hasn't fulfilled his wife's final wishes. Beth had expressed her desire to be cremated before she died and wanted her ashes to be scattered. "Well, I've never done ashes in my life," he says. "And that's what she wanted. And then she wants me to do it and put the same thing, guess put it on the fireplace or something, so, this is the most morbid stuff."
He further explains, "When I was a little boy, all the Christians [said] you can't get burned because then you won't rise from the grave with Jesus. And then I said, 'Honey, you know, what about that?' She goes, 'It's from ashes to ashes to dust to dust.' " He adds, "Well, she said scatter some, leave some on the fireplace, of course when I go to heaven, she wants me in the box with her."
"You know, I was going to do all the scattering, and then I looked at it and thought, 'I'm not gonna throw you, like, away. I'm just gonna throw you away and start over?' I can't do that," he shares. He wants to keep Beth's ashes close to him, but realized it wasn't healthy. "So, I wanted to put them in the car and seatbelt them in. And I want to take them with me. But that's like, morbid, you know? You gotta really watch it," he confesses.
But Dog still keeps Beth's remains close to him and leaves her ashes by his bed, so that he can see her every morning. "I leave it next to the bed right there and I think that might be where it's going to be forever," he says.